Hemorrhoids: Tips and Remedies from a Mom Who’s Tried It All

Maybe they showed up with you birthed your kid. Maybe they showed up after a weekend of partying and eating less-than-smartly. Maybe you didn’t do a damn thing to deserve them. Whatever the case, you’ve got a nasty bout of hemorrhoids. I’m here to tell you about my experience (all G-rated, of course), what I learned from seeing a specialist, and what worked for me. Time to tell that unwanted friend that they’ve overstayed their welcome.

Hemorrhoids, or piles, are a totally normal part of life, unfortunately. And they become more normal with age, or with natural childbirth. (Hooray.) Technically, a hemorrhoid is a vein in the rectum (internal) or anus (external) that is swollen and protruded. It might just feel like a swollen “thing” back there, or it might be itchy and painful. A hemorrhoid might bleed after a bowel movement. And because of reduced blood flow down there, it heals super slowly.

This is my experience with treatments, products, and seeing a colorectal specialist. But I’m not a doc, and certainly not a butt doc. So if you’re scared or unsure, please please contact your own physician. (And for all that is holy, don’t contact me!)

Oh, and by the way, these links are affiliates. Normal cost for you, but I get a cut. Thumbs up!

How Did I Get These Bastards, Anyway?

Hemorrhoids can show up for lots of reasons. The most popular causes are straining due to a bowel movement, or you know, pushing out a baby. But lots of things can cause a hemorrhoid, including:

• Not eating enough fiber
• Not drinking enough water
• Straining or constipation
• Sitting down a lot
• Pregnancy
• Childbirth
• Obesity
• Getting older
• (And some people are just prone to getting them, no matter what)

Get Rid of Hemorrhoids Without Medications: Home Treatments

These are the things that my doctor (and Dr. Google) recommended that I try to get rid of hemorrhoids without having to go buy something specific to hemorrhoid treatment.

Basically, there are two things that you want to do to help your hemorrhoids go away: make it easier for you to poop, and calm the area down.

To make your stools softer and easier to pass, you should:

• Drink at least 64oz of water or clear liquid a day (caffeine and especially coffee can be an irritant)
• Take at least 30g of insoluble fiber a day – my specialist recommended Konsyl
• Take a stool softener daily
• Increase your consumption of fibrous foods, like broccoli and oranges (check out my delicious vegetable soup recipe that even kids love!)

A note about fiber: There are two kinds, soluble (will break down/dissolve) and insoluble (won’t be digested and will cling to stool as it goes through intestines and is pooped out). Ideally we should get enough soluble fiber through our diet but in a case like this, you should be taking both. A bigger stool, bulked up with insoluble fiber, will actually be easier to pass. Now you know.

To help the area heal on its own, you should:

• Avoid spicy or hard foods like hot sauce or popcorn 
• Epsom salt baths daily
• Avoid excess walking, running, or heavy cardio (no friction between those cheeks!)
• Use a clean wet washcloth or a wet wipe to clean yourself after pooping
• Use a spray bottle to help clean the area, using warm water
• Sit on cold packs for up to 20 minutes at a time
• Try laying on your stomach or side to give the area some relief
• Get a Squatty Potty or similar tool to help you have proper posture when pooping (yep this is a thing and yep it makes a difference)
• Don’t read or sit on your phone when pooping – do your business and get out

Remember that hemorrhoids will heal super slowly, but you should be able to see/feel the hemorrhoid(s) shrinking within a few weeks.

If Your New Friends Just Won’t Leave: Products and Medications

If those uninvited hemorrhoids can’t take the hint and be gone on their own with my suggestions above, then the next step is to try some OTC remedies. These are the ones I’ve tried, and what I’ve learned from experience and research.

What you need to remember: Some medications promise pain relief by restricting blood flow to the area. Those are called vasoconstrictors. The problem is that you need blood circulation for a hemorrhoid (or a fissure, which is even more fun as it’s a tear in the anal tissue) to heal. Soooo if you can, avoid anything that claims it’s numbing or that it helps with pain.

Witch hazel wipes like Tucks are a good place to start. I say this because they’re not invasive and don’t really have anything in them that could harm you. However, there’s not a ton of science that backs up how or why they help. The idea is that they help with inflammation and essentially “dry up” the hemorrhoid. I didn’t have any improvement with these, and they can actually burn. So have a wet washcloth or spray bottle ready just in case.

Preparation H cream is another safe product to try. It aims to help with the burning and itching of a healing hemorrhoid. Like I mentioned earlier, just be cautious if you’re going to be using a product that has lidocaine or another vasoconstrictor/pain reliever, as this will probably make you heal more slowly. My situation didn’t really improve with these products, though I personally did like their wipes a lot better than the cream.

If you’re using wipes, try keeping them in the fridge. Ahhh, cool relief.

To keep the area clean and protected while it heals (especially if your hemorrhoids are causing problems with incontinence), try a barrier cream like Calmoseptine. It’s widely recommended and a little goes a long way. Its main ingredient is lanolin, which is what’s in breastfeeding nipple cream too, and it’s a skin protectant. Make sure you’re clean and dry back there, and apply with a clean finger or a gloved hand. This stuff did stain my underwear, so be warned of that too.

Hemorrhoidal suppositories are another option, though not my favorite for obvious reasons. They’re a lot messier than you would think because they’re meant to dissolve in the area, so not only do you get it all over yourself as it heats up in your hand, but then it gets all over your underwear. These were a disaster for me.

If you’re in a great deal of pain or just feeling throbbing, you can check with your physician about trying an ibuprofen regimen.  I had been put on a schedule of 600mg 3x/day once I saw a colorectal specialist, after months of issues that were painful and affecting my daily life.

TMI time: My situation got so bad that I had internal and external hemorrhoids and an anal fissure, all of which required surgery (really three mini-surgeries) to repair; my particular problem was due to me continuing to run – training for a 5k – through the pain, because I’m an idiot who thinks she can do everything. I should have cut out the workouts, done the fiber and ibuprofen religiously from the beginning, and taken the time to do warm baths before mine got too serious.

I did buy Doctor Butler’s Hemorrhoid and Fissure Ointment when I felt like the basic OTC stuff from the grocery store wasn’t working. What I didn’t realize is that this cream is for pain relief, and its main ingredient is lidocaine. So again, pain relief, but won’t really help you with healing. 

In my desperation for relief (and total fear of having a doctor examine me back there), I started buying more expensive products on Amazon. Remember that my case was a lot more severe than just some external hemorrhoids, and I didn’t change my lifestyle as I should have, so I didn’t get relief from anything. Forces of Nature makes an “Fissure Control” oil blend for hemorrhoids and fissures. It did smell really good and I like the “natural” concept, but the oil is quite messy. I think in my case, with this and the next product listed here, that I just started using them too late. 

Don’t be skimpy! Put the products on in the morning when you wake up, every time you poop, after you bathe/shower, and before you go to bed.

I tried Emuaid to help with the pain and healing once I was desperate enough to spend more money. The concept is much the same as Calmoseptine in that it’s a barrier cream that has some healing properties. This unfortunately is a more expensive product which will last forever, and I felt like it did help me more than the others. Again, I think my case was too severe – I had a hell of a lot going on back there – and I started this product too late. I do think this is a very well-made product, and my colorectal specialist did look the ingredients over and approve it for use – but I wish it was cheaper, and came in a much smaller quantity. 

A Few Closing Thoughts About Hemorrhoids

Firstly, they suck! They’re itchy and painful and annoying and they take forever to go away. I hear you.

Secondly, so many people act really weird about anything having to do with poop or butts. I’ve birthed two kids, and been barfed and shat on so many times it doesn’t even phase me. I’m past the point of acting like this is taboo or evil. We all have butts and we all poop. So get the help you need and don’t feel like you have to do a walk of shame to go buy some medicated wipes.

On that note, if my remedies don’t seem to help or you just are worried – or hell, for any reason at all – go talk to your doctor! Send them a note on your patient portal if you have one, or call and leave a message with the nurse. It’s your health and your life, so don’t waste time because you’re afraid. I seriously doubt your doctor goes home and sips a bourbon while thinking about all the weird stuff they saw/heard that day. They’ve seen it all and they’re there to help. My colorectal doctor was super cool, and basically called himself the “Poop Guy”, and I learned a lot from him. And plus, in my case, I know now that I never would have gotten better on my own. Me being afraid to go get examined by someone cost me literally six months of being unable to work out, days of being in agony and stuck at home, and countless cancelled plans. So silly! 

And oh yeah, in case it hasn’t already been obvious, I’m not a medical professional so don’t just listen to me.

Well, if you’ve made it this far, I hope that you have some suggestions to finally kick your unwanted guest out. Hemorrhoids suck, especially since you can’t just pause life until they go away. And please don’t be afraid to send your doctor a message, or go speak to them, if you’re in a lot of pain or if you’re concerned. Now let’s promise to never speak of this again.

If you want to learn all about the crappy postpartum symptom no one talks about (hellooooo gall stones), click here.