We have officially made the decision to not have any more biological children. I need to accept the reality and finality of not having any more kids, and try to look on the bright side. As is my way, I’m expressing my feelings through my raw writing. I hope that this finds someone someday and gives them closure, and I hope that it helps me too. Because I still haven’t come to terms fully with the fact that we will never have more children.
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All parents know the feeling of watching their children grow up. Last night my husband and I sat on the couch while the kids slept, looking at photo streams of Kiddo when he was a baby. I was so overcome with pride and sorrow that I was sobbing and laughing. I love him so, and he truly is growing up too fast. I feel a tightening in my heart when I think that I may never be pregnant again. It’s too early to tell, of course; Tiny is only six months old today (OMG wait what? Oh nooo), so we wouldn’t really be actively trying for another year or so. Still, to think that my days of being pregnant are over, makes my heart ache and brings tears to my eyes. I hope she’s not my last, and I’m not ready to accept that she quite likely is my last baby. Continue reading
