There is so much that I want to teach my children. I’m not talking about specific facts, though those certainly have their place. I mean big worldly concepts, abstract things, life lessons that I want to lock into their minds and hearts while I’m still around. In mulling over this the other day, I came up with the three most valuable, most essential concepts that I want to pass on to my children. So here they are for my readers: three big life lessons I am teaching my kids.These are certainly very personal and I chose to exclude anything religious so as to not isolate anyone. Of course you can read my ideas, use them if you like, or disagree. Any option is fine!
Listen to Your Body
My kids love natural science and learning about everything from body systems (digestive, nervous, circulatory, etc.) to how our brain grows. And when it comes to making choices about our health and safety, my mantra is “Listen to your body”.
In regards to food, it’s really important that my kids have healthy eating habits. They don’t have to eat anything; they are understanding that their body needs protein to grow, carbs for energy, vitamins for fighting off germs, and the like. But I trust them when they tell me they’re full, or something doesn’t taste good to them. Who am I to make them clean their plate? I can’t feel what they feel. And I want them to be healthy eaters without weight issues as they get older. (Remember that we won’t always be around to comment on their menu choices, so all we can do is teach them to make good balanced choices, what that looks like, and why it’s the best for them.)
In regards to sleep, I let my 4.5 year old decide if he’s going to nap or not. Of course when he goes to kindergarten that’ll be a non-issue; but for now, I let him decide if he wants to lay down when his toddler sister does, or if he’s good to go. He comprehends what the natural consequence may be if he needs to nap but doesn’t want to: too tired to play after dinner!
I want my kids to always listen to their body. They know their body better than anyone else ever will, and i’m teaching them to listen to what their body is telling them. I just need to remember to listen to my child and hear what they tell me, and not try to override it. This is one of those life lessons that help shape me as a mother just as much as it helps to shape my growing child.
There Can Be No Love Without Respect
I love this saying; as far as I can remember, I even came up with it myself!
Children need to learn that someone who truly loves them will not hurt or pressure them, abuse them or lie to them. Respect must come first.
We demonstrate respect by simple things: looking at the person who is speaking, answering politely, stopping when someone says “Stop” or “No”, and trying to be considerate. Empathy is one of the most important things for a child to learn.
A person who truly loves my child will never do anything to harm them.
I want my child to carry that life lesson with them for their whole life: when they’re young and in school; when they start going out into the world without adult supervision; when they start to date; when they move out on their own.
It’s Always Right to Do Right
As a parent, it’s easy for us to think of “How can I get my kid to do what I need them to do right now?” This short-term thinking is necessary sometimes, of course. But in the long term, we want our kids to do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. Not because they get a treat or a reward. Not because someone will see them and say something.
How does your child act when they think no one is looking? Do they still make kind choices, and treat things and people with respect?
If you’re a person of faith, you can talk to your child about how God sees all. You can also bring up your fantasy character of choice, from Santa Claus to Spider-Man to the tooth fairy. But in the end, you need to try and guide intrinsic motivation.
It’s sort of like how I see forgiveness. I forgive people because I need to do it for myself, for my character and for my peace. It’s not really for anyone else. It builds my character for me to deal with difficult situations, or difficult people. And at the end of my life, I want to look back and be proud of my track record. That’s irregardless of what I got paid for it, or how many compliments people gave me.
And so it goes with my children. The right thing is always the right thing to do, even if no one is around and you’re not going to “get” anything out of it. You don’t let yourself off of the hook, because you’re holding yourself accountable. This is one of those life lessons that I think everyone can embrace.
As my kids get older, we’ll transfer that into more abstract terms like “character” and “moral compass”; for now, I’m content to just remind them that wrong is always wrong, and right is always right.
For more help on how to begin talking to your child about “big” concepts, see my article here.
Give me your thoughts on these three life lessons. Did one resonate with your motherly (or fatherly) heart? What would you add or change to my list?
I'd love to hear from you!