You Might Be a Breastfeeding Mom If…

Breastfeeding is undoubtedly one of the most amazing things you can do for your child. There are benefits to Baby and Mama, and it can be a beautiful bonding experience. But anyone who’s been there, also knows that it makes you more than a little crazy. And your life revolves around that little one (and your boobs). I made a list of things that may or may not make you a breastfeeding mom. How many can you relate to?

You may be a breastfeeding mom if:

• You feel like you’re being used only for your boobs by a tiny person.
• Your life revolves around when your baby needs to eat next.
• And your boobs remind you when it’s time by leaking all over you in a seemingly friendly, helpful way.
• You empathize with a milk cow more than you’ve ever related to anything in your life.
• You have a love hate relationship with your breast pump.
• You base your entire wardrobe on “How easy is it to get my boob out?”
• You’re awakened in the middle of the night by someone looking for your nipple (or biting the crap out of you).
• You use your smartphone with your nose, and have an adorable baby phone holder.
• Your closet is full of old ratty nursing tanks and bras, and five of the same Target v-neck shirt, and you can’t seem to deviate from that.
• You never thought you’d be one of “those girls” who desperately wants a boob job but now you feel like you’ve earned one, damnit.

• You’ve found it almost impossible to do the late-night switch between being sexy with your partner, and running back to the bedroom to nurse your baby. (This reeeeally sucks and I haven’t found a way around it.)
• If you try to cover your nipple as soon as they unlatch so that your baby can’t get any funny ideas and see that literal bullseye on your breast.
• If you oscillate between “Damn I’m proud to nurse in public and I don’t care who sees!” and “I feel so awkward and ashamed and I just want to hide.”
• You get a look of horror on your face when you hear a baby – any baby – cry in public, as you know your boobs will want to jump to the rescue!
• You feel such a mix of pride and love and respect, and disgust and shame and self-loathing, when you see yourself topless in the mirror.
• You have seriously considered getting a breastfeeding or teething necklace for your kid so that they’ll play with something other than your hair (or your other nipple) when nursing.
• You can tell a friend all about the best ways to help nipple pain and can list of at least three solutions in under a minute.

• You bedshare with your kid so that you both get some sleep.
• You worry about how you’ll do simple tasks, like get your kid to sleep or comfort them when they’re sick, once they’re weaned.
• You worry about weaning, period.
• You have gotten a foot in your face at least once. Bonus if their toes actually went in your nose.
• You feel a certain “Hell yeah!” bond with any mom you see nursing their child, whether in a commercial or at the mall. We need a secret handshake or something.
• You sit in impossibly uncomfortable positions for hours so as to not wake your slumbering nurseling.
• You find the craziest ways to use breastmilk, from healing a cut to soothing your own nipple pain. And you secretly want to try more… Breastmilk soap? Coffee creamer? The possibilities are endless!
• You laugh and cry at breasteeding memes because they’re always so damn true.
• You can relate to that scramble to find a nursing pad that’s not already soaked.
• The sessions are long, but the time is short. Enjoy every minute as much as you can!
• You should feel damn proud for every drop of liquid gold your body has made for your baby.

Want to see all of my content about breastfeeding and pumping? I have a whole section of my website dedicated to it! Find it here. (My new favorite is how to make a brelfie!)

And I know, I know, breastfeeding can be like a cult that’s also a pain in the ass, but we love it too, right? Check out my list of endearing quirks to see what I mean.

Finally, you can check out my honest, well-researched, easy-to-read ebook all about Breastfeeding or Formula so you know which will be best for your family.